It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
