I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
