Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
