my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
