If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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