omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She bit a glass in half.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
