I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
