hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sarcasm needs its own font
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
