Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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