I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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