i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
