just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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