i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
