Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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