soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
