Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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