my phone needs a breathalizer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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