He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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