I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
