Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
