your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
