I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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