where does the pee come out of this thing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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