i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
