I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
