please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
