Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
