ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
