Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
