Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
