Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
