You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize