When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
