At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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