me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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