Define "chronic" masturbator.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
