Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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