I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
