tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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