I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
