you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
