YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
