sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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