the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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