u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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