Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
