So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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