At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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