VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pants are for mortals
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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