just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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