I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
