So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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