you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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