I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
