Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
