I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also, beer. Big fan.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
