I faked an abortion last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dear god my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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