im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
