i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
