either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize