I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
