It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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