Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
